I'm dreaming so big. Seeing everything. 'cause something's gotta give, we need a change from this addiction to drama and pain. I want to see that happen. I want to make it happen. I want to start up a movement and lead us all to happiness. Whatever it takes. It needs to be whatever it takes. I see my friends cutting their wrists, my best friends torn from my grip, people breaking up and breaking down and it's like a realistic hope just don't exist... and it's just like ANY effort away from this is better than settling for the way we live.

But no one is so concerned as me. They're all so serious but can't take this seriously. Or so it seems. What if this could be bigger than my dreams? What if this was exactly what we need? But even in their worst desperation, where the finality falls between living and dying... they choose dying. I guess it's so much easier to "live" when you're not trying.

But it takes an effort. You have to do more than just sit and hope. I've been addicted to the loss, the loneliness, the sad, sick, self-pitying emptiness. I've been in that place where joy becomes a means only to re-awaken the pleasure of pain. Believe me, we do find pleasure in pain. It becomes a game to see if we can make it rain long enough to drown us out. But I don't want to see us drowning now.

I've learned to swim in that flood water. Some currents are still too strong for me to be anything but helpless in. And most people are so deeply buried in this storm I don't have the breath to bring them up. I need you to help me push up. Up. Up. Up. Can't we leave this place? Aren't we sick of being stuck? Or are we so sick we simply just don't give a fuck?

Maybe my words mean nothing now. But I need to find you meaning somehow... I can't help. I'm overwhelmed. But if I can help I'm here for all of you. Whatever it takes, let's find a cure for the ache. I won't give up, I can't give up. This was the reason I was born.